Jeremiah 29: 11-13 (NIV) 11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
“I do it myself!” A phrase I have been saying as long as I can remember. When learning to ride my bike I told my brother I’d do it myself. When putting a puzzle together I’d tell my mom “I do it myself”. All through my life I have always wanted to do things by myself; homework, puzzles, building things or figuring out problems. I have always been determined to do things by myself, without the help of anyone else. Some of the reasons I have always done things on my own are because I am quite stubborn and like to do it my way, and because I learn best when I figure things out in my own time. Some more reasons, that I’m not particularly proud of, are because I am a very prideful person and don’t want to make myself look stupid by asking that dumb question or asking help on an easy task that I should do on my own. More recently I have learned that I don’t like asking for help on certain things because I don’t feel worthy of the help. My reasoning to myself is because “other people’s problems are bigger than my own”. In the last couple months I have realized that I can’t do all things on my own. I need both the help from people and most importantly I need help from God.
As most of you know in the last couple months I have made some big decisions to follow what I believe is God’s will. In February I will be heading to New Zealand for a year. I will be studying at a Bible college and be interning at a church. I believe in my heart that God is calling me to pursue both my desire to travel and to help others. I have always known that I wanted to be some sort of missionary, youth pastor, or at least work with children. However, until now I haven’t known exactly how to pursue this type of work until this wonderful opportunity fell into my lap. I am excited to start my new journey and seeing what God has in store for me while in New Zealand.As I told my parents about my plans to leave for a year I knew that there would be challenges while in New Zealand. For instance I knew that I would miss my parents, family and friends like crazy and would get homesick. I also knew that God would be teaching me all kinds of wonderful things while there. However, I never realized all the challenges, struggles and lessons that I would have even before stepping on the plane to New Zealand. These last few months have been such an adventure in itself. One of the biggest things I’ve learned is that I am not going to be able to take this journey on my own. I will need my friends, family and God every step of the way. After getting accepted into the school I looked into how much everything would cost to go to the school and realized that I was going to need a lot of faith that I would be able to get all the money I needed. I was hoping on a loan from Sallie Mae to pay for my schooling and then figure out other ways to come up with the money for living expenses and travel. I knew I needed to get all the money together before I left because I wont be able to work while in New Zealand. I talked my parents about the money situation and they helped give me faith that it was all going to work out, I just needed to have faith in God.
The first problem arose when I found out that the school was not registered with Sallie Mae so I wouldn’t be able to get a loan to pay the school. I remember driving home from my job and feeling helpless. Right then was the first time I asked for help. I broke down and cried out to God. I told Him that I knew I couldn’t do this on my own, that the only way that this would be possible was if He helped me. I talked to him for over an hour crying, yelling and even said something along the lines of, “God I know you made the world in 7 days so I’m sure you can get me to New Zealand in 60.” After I asked for God’s help in this journey and telling Him that I needed to just let go and let Him do His thing I felt rejuvenated. I was ready to allow God to be in the drivers seat.
That next week I was blessed with an old family friend who my parents hadn’t talked to in a long time giving me a large sum of money to help me pay for most of the school. It was such a God thing! It was really out of the blue and I remember just thinking how amazing God is. After, losing faith and regaining faith I was feeling pretty good and ready to face anything that came my way, with God’s help of course. I realized however that I still needed quite a bit of money and wasn’t sure about getting it. I knew that I could get a lot of it with work but I just wasn’t sure how to get the remaining funds that I probably wouldn’t be able to get on my own. That’s when I had a friend suggest I do a letter writing fundraiser, asking my friends and family for help. My immediate thought was, “I’ll do it myself, I can’t ask people to help me with this. They have their own needs.” I told my mom my thoughts and she told me that I can’t let Satan and my negative thoughts get in my head. However, I have always had a hard time asking people for prayer let alone possibly helping me financially. I prayed to God and decided that I had to at least allow the people I love dearly the chance to help me in the way that they could. After sending out the mail I immediately started worrying and having doubt as to what people would think of me. I worried that people think I was selfish or wondering how dare I ask for these things. I found myself praying all the time that God bring me peace of mind and I finally allowed myself to feel a sense of peace in asking others for help. And in asking for help I have had people that I would have never expected to be so supportive give me such encouragement. My grandmother is one of this people. She was probably the person I was most nervous to tell about my new journey. However, to my surprise she has been one of my biggest supporters. In telling me that she believes this is what I need to be doing and in helping me largely financially. I feel like this experience is bringing her and I closer together and I am so thankful to God for this. This second challenge of asking for help was harder then asking God for help.
Now the third challenge is facing me. I am waiting on a placement for my internship and I’m learning that it is really hard to be patient and let God have control. I am having a hard time just sitting, waiting, and not worrying that things won’t work out. I have a hard time letting go and letting God. Allowing others to have the reins and for me to not need to be in control is really hard. One thing that I have learned that is my biggest help is to literally get down on my hands and knees and pray out to God for comfort and to take away my worry. I pray that I can maintain faith and to trust in Him.
If you are reading this and have made it to the end I would like to ask you for prayer. I am so close to being able to start my journey to New Zealand. The things I need prayer for are that the church placement works out and that I find out soon which church I will be working with and that the last couple thousand dollars will come through so that I can buy my plane tickets and get my visa processed. Also, please pray for my family because this must be hard for them, especially my parents, letting their baby girl fly half way around the world and be away from them for a year. Pray that we all have strength and faith to trust in God’s plan for our lives. I will also be praying for you and that God blesses your lives. I want to thank each and everyone of you for all your support and encouragement as I take this next step in my life. Thank you!
God Bless,
Brandi
